anonymous

Reograph is a gadget philosophy blog. In the doing of it, I have learned something known to the philosophers of antiquity -- that philosophy is at least 5% fiction.

I blog anonymously as a conceit. The fiction here at reograph is mostly at the margin to let me preserve my private dream that anonymity is possible. Many readers already know me personally but here is the big reveal for the rest of you. I'm the one person on Earth who has owned a Fiat X1/9, a BMW 318ti, and a BMW i3. That's me. That's my unique first world identifier.

The information above is practically equivalent to my Social Security number and so this next disclosure is probably redundant: I moved back to Washington, DC not too long ago. I have a bunch of posts on deck that either reveal this indirectly or simply don't make sense without this tidbit.

In fact, the BMW i3 itself makes sense for me only because I now have a lot of city driving.

I bought my i3 from BMW of Annapolis. It was fine. Go buy yours there. I popped into the dealer yesterday to pick up a refund check for sales tax paid, but not owed (to DC). While I was there, I mentioned some minor complaint about some small detail and I was vectored instantly to service to get it sorted. Awesome. Once my car was 'booked' -- like a perp on a random procedural crime drama -- the small matter of outstanding recalls came up.

My car had two minor sounding recalls outstanding. One had no description available in English. In German, the recall was named by a single VIN-sized word. How important could a single word recall really be?

Here's a thing about new car models. They're all a little bit broken. This is OK. The fine folks at your dealer, like the fine folks at your manufacturer, are all a little concerned that this reality will influence your perception of the car, the dealer, and the brand.

That's part of why the dealer will call you and invite you back for a free reception, or a free detailing, or offer to place a fresher flower in your on-dash bud vase some time during your ownership experience. This is one of the reasons that oil service is included with many new cars. Silent recalls and TSBs get addressed without you ever being aware.

I recall ignoring these calls (from a different dealer) fifteen years ago with my first BMW. I didn't understand that what the service department really needed was fifteen minutes alone with the car. The battery died not long after a spurned call from the dealer inviting me to an emergency detailing session. When I complained that a battery failure was certainly a warranty failure on a year old car, they told me that the warranty was void because the necessary service hadn't been performed on the battery.

If you're under fifty, you might not recall that batteries used to require a periodic top-up with water. By 1998, BMW had somehow not adopted the maintenance free batteries in widespread use everywhere else. Little BMW elves had been topping up my battery with water and taking care of a dozen other little details whenever I turned up at the dealer for complimentary tire valve cap rotation.

When the dealer calls you to suggest that their service department might be the ideal viewing location for an upcoming solar eclipse, just go.

My i3 is still in the service department today. At last report, the car is getting a complimentary wash, detail, charge, and almost complete disassembly of the front end to replace a fuel tank pressure sensor. I hope to be reunited with it sometime tomorrow. The good news is that the entire i3 front end contains only a handful of parts.

While I wait for the safe return of my electro-chariot, I'm getting my rounds done with a new 328 loaner from the dealer. The 328 stickers for just about what I paid for the i3. It's meant to seem much more luxurious. It's meant to seem much faster. It is definitely much larger. I love the i3. I would not buy this 328.

The 328 has 'Efficient Dynamics' written on the window and as a bitmap graphic on the instrument cluster. Efficient Dynamics, as realized here, means that the engine stops and starts disconcertingly. This impression should worry BMW -- because I have also been driving a Prius for ten years that starts and stops automatically in a completely happy and concerting way.

The 328 has no sense of power steering with the engine shut off. If the engine shuts off in the middle of parallel parking -- as happened to me today -- the wheel is dead until the car figures out that you are trying to turn the wheel. The gas motor eventually spools up and power assisted steering is again available. The automatic start-up seems barely faster and less intrusive than cranking a car manually by turning the key. By this definition, almost all of my old cars developed an EfficientDynamics stalling disorder at some point in their life. My X1/9 would sometimes EfficientDynamic right in the middle of left hand turns across traffic. Dynamic!

Prius automatic engine start works in a totally different way. In the Prius, a large electric motor gets the car going immediately and _also_ spins the crank on the gas motor. The gas motor can pitch in by adding fuel and spark whenever it gets around to it.

I love cars. I love technology. I love the environment. I love the smell of gas at a racetrack. If you love even two of these, then don't bother with feeble start/stop technologies that are not also coupled with electric power steering, electric air conditioning, and at least a modest electric traction motor and battery. A hybrid with all of these things will still have less added complexity than the complexity of the 328's start/stop rig plus its turbocharger. For all its E.D., the 328 is turning in combined mileage in the low twenties on a circuit where the i3 manages almost a hundred and twenty (MPGe), my 2004 Prius whips out 45, and my astonishingly inefficient BMW 325 wagon turned in 24.

If you love those things but you simply must have a rear wheel drive BMW with a gas engine, get an i3 with range extender, a new i8, a three series hybrid, or the forthcoming X5 plug in. If you're in DC, the folks at BMW of Annapolis seemed to me much more well versed in the new electric models. On a pre-purchase trip to a different area dealer, a salesman incorrectly identified which end of the car held the range extending gas motor.