While the electric sat at the dealer waiting for a replacement KLE module, BMW's marketing arm reached out to me with an offer for 'ULTIMATE BENEFITS'. This sounded grimly funereal. I read on. Their mail said:
"Experiencing the thrills of the Ultimate Driving Machine® is just the beginning. As a BMW owner, you’ll also receive exclusive benefits from a number of hand-selected partners."
Reograph has a substantial and lucrative readership base within the Greater Salt Lake Metropolitan Craft Mafia and so we run a tight ship and keep the swearing to a respectable minimum. BMW's note forces a departure from these family friendly norms.
Hand-selected partners?? Holy Fucking Shit! Ottoman fucking sultans didn't get exclusive benefits from hand-selected partners. The Khan probably did but, hey, he's the fucking Khan.
I'm bowled the fuck over that some interns are hard at work in Woodcliff Lake, NJ selecting partners for me _by hand_.
On the other hand, I suppose it's possible that those interns read 'Mindless Eating: Why We Eat More Than We Think' and learned that everything tastes better with two words before it. Hand-selected M&Ms obviously taste better. Why wouldn't hand-selected partners be still the sweeter? Perhaps the endorsement checks were hand-signed as well.
Though I am contrite and humble this week for being snarky to the wrong audience, there is a right audience for it and it is you.
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